shair1tu's Blog

My husband died Nov 13th 2012, this is my message to everyone

I sift through the stories on this site and I see so many people that are unhappy in their marriages and relationships. I lost my husband of 18 years on Nov 13th of this year unexpectedly to pneumonia, I want to tell everyone I can because most of you won't even give it a second thought but someone might so therefore the effort is not wasted. My message is simple " Life is short " shorter for some than others so if your not happy in your relationship and your just not willing to do whatever it takes to make things good then get out and move on, otherwise, make the effort all the way to fix things and bring happiness to those you love. Afterall, isn't that what happiness is, Love?

Everything counts, no matter how small

I want all of you out there to do something for me...get out a peice of paper and pen or pencil and no matter what ever lifes tragedy or hardship you may be facing right now I want you to make a list of all the positive things that you can be greatful for. It doesn't matter how insignifigant it might seem to you trust me EVERYTHING COUNTS. You might question the point of such an excercise, the point of it is to bring your awareness away from being consumed by whatever hardships you face and see that you may have more positive things happening than you think. It may help give you hope to face another minute when you don't think it's worth the fight. Don't give up, & for anyone out there thinking " It's easier said than done!" I know it is, I had to learn how to see things this way & this is one of the ways I did that. The person who taught me this told me " When I say list anything positive it means just that even if it seems weak if it is not negative than list it- they said some people they knew wrote things like " I didn't get hit today, I was able to have one meal, I woke up on the right side of the grass, I'm not sick, the sky is blue, you get the picture. Eventually, as I continued tyo do this it occurred to me that no matter how bad things got, if I woke up every morning ( cause many folks have not) this was big by itself and everything else was subject to change for the better & when I took the time to list what was positive I found I had a pretty long list.

The phonecall....part II

Maybe some of you read my story it all started with a strange phonecall and then it went to hell. There was a few things in that story I didn't include at the time, probably just because you never know. Well, the unfortunate thing is this experience has an ultimately sad ending for more than 1 reason as you will see.

When I mentioned that the guy in the previouse story was armed with a gun, he was, my gun that he stole. Yes I reported it, and I also told the reporting officer that he had a BOLO on him from another county for child molestation, I don't think he believed me at first but evedently made a few call and ended up telling me that yes I was right. I gave him all the information the ex-girlfriend gave me on the location of his truck that he said he left for her to come get which was in Yosemite National Park. The Park service finds the truck, no dude so they organize a search for as long as they can until the weather just gets too bad to continue.
Months go by and no one has heard anything, then one night I have a dream that straight shook me so bad I had to get up and do a shot or 2 of scotch because right then I knew it would be about a week & I'd hear something. In this dream I am sitting in my front room by myself, it's late. I hear someone walk through the front door, it's Anthony. I really got scared, I didn't know what to say to him knowing what I knew except he was supposed to be dead. Those words started to come out of my mouth as " Aren't you..."he finishes my sentance " Dead?...Very, I want you to know I would never hurt you so please stop being afraid, I never wanted to hurt you guys I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I know I can't undo this but if it's any consolation to you you guys aren't in any trouble" I asked him what about the daughter you defiled what about your family why?
He sais you know as I do now that a certain amount of evil is neccessary, all things happen for a reason. I am Gods lesson to you to show you about some of the trickyiest kinds of evil that there are in the world, and just how well those evils can hide themselves, sometimes as your best friend. As for my daughter and family, they'll be fine their strong and all this has a purpose for them too. I love you guys I'm so sorry this hurt you. Then he got up and left.
1 week later his ex girlfriend notified me that they had found his remains in the park on July 14th 2010 . Anthony Clifton Green Jr. R.I.P

Love you guys

I'll be back with more when I can see straight.


what do I do with my feelings?

My hubby is the love of my life, he has a BIG problem that's going to the doc in the morning. He has some kind of growth happening in his lower abdomen, you can feel it if you press on his belly. Evedently this has been something that has gotten worse over the past year or two, he mentioned it about that long ago but at the time he was having surgury on his shoulder and more or less said he wasn't ready to deal with it right then. Nothing more was said about it until we got into an argument about something unrelated to that and then SHAZAM!! out it came. Then I got pissed, did a bad thing and snatched him up by his collar and screamed in his face asking him how he could do this to me. Then it was shifted to being all about me, evendently I was supposed to just suck up my feelings and kindly tell him that I would make him a Dr's appointment right away. I'm sorry.....maybe I'm a bitch but I cannot be that person, I am the last living person in my family and this scenerio was VERY was my mother breaking the news to me and my granmother that she had cancer and it was terminal all over again.....Heres the thing ....she knew two years before and never said a thing until she had no choice.  According to my husband this isn't about my feelings....Ok yes grant it he's the one who's not well, and he's scared but I'm terrified & I can't cry, get upset or show anything but strength and kindness and compassion in his presence. He promises me that GOD forbid it is something like cance that he isn't going to let it beat him because he would never leave me like that- but I have to be strong in order for that to be? What do I do with that? I thought I was human too...guess I'll just do my crying by myself when he's not that even right?

People that want to be "The boss"....and their ruthless tactics

This blog is about all those peolple out there in the working world who are on a misson to be the "boss", and how they resort to whatever lowdown dirty tactics to get there. This is NOT a fictional or hypothetical circumstance, this really me. I just recently quit a job that I was at for 12 years because my bosses family members ( the same ones I trained when they came there ) decided they wanted to be the boss. Now keep in mind, that I have worked in every aspect of the company, to the point where my title was manager. I required nothing more of anyone that I myself personally was not willing to do, just do your job the right way the first time. Tell me is that unreasonable? Evendently to some people it is, they want all the profit but aren't willing to do the work to earn it. God forbid that you get in their way, they don't think the rules apply to them....after all theyre family right? Who the hell is some outsider to tell them what to do. The company owner gave me a raise last year, it was the only reason I stayed. The new person put into power decided they were going to pay me the same wage I was making before I got that raise so they took it away, because the other girls got upset when they found out how much I made and they didn't like it. That was it, the next day my husband brought them the keys. The good part of that......the look on the mangers face when he realizes he's fucked....pricesless!!

This is what the word "Friend" means in my me it's rare

My grandma told me when I was a little kid " Don't use the term "friend" loosly kid, because when you get older your gonna see that you can count your " Friends " on one hand if your lucky. Those words ring in my head over and over through out my life, I fully understand today what she was talking about where friends are concerned. This is how it plays out in my world.

Your True Friends in this life:

-Don't judge you based on what they heard from someone else

-Can trust you and you them to confide ANYTHING and know it will not leave the room it was spoken in

-Will be honest with you, even when they know you don't want to hear it, but they give you the truth in the gentlest way they can without beating around the bush.

-will still be there, just the way they were even if you haven't been able to talk to them for quite some time.

-will be the one/s who you can call, no matter the time of day or night, no matter the circumstance that won't ask anything more than how to find you and would have your back all the way if it got ugly.

-have respect for you and your surroundings, they don't bring drama, they ask before they take, they clean up their messes, they help you if you need it and they care about how you feel.

-will hide you under a blanket in the back seat if your running from the cops so you can get where you need to go.

-will hurt right next to you, when you suffer, but still manage to be your rock because you need one.

I'm sure there's lots I can't think of right now but over all that covers it. The bottom line is these folks don't fall out of the sky, we all know lots of people those are aquantances, they sure the hell wouldn't stand beside you to help you even if it meant their own personal risk. Cherish your friends people love them, listen to them, help them......and for fuck sake keep your mouths shut for them!

A message to all you depression / anxiety doesn't have to be this way

I cruise EP almost on a daily basis, I see so many of you out there that suffer from depression or anxiety of one form or another. My heart goes out to you because I've been there too. Everyones experience with it is different but I know first hand it doesn't have to be like this for you. When I was at my very worst I sought help from a psychiatrist, he prescribed me some medication but before he did he told me " I tell all my patients that they should know medication is only 30% of the solution here, the rest of the work is in your head"

Now I've done the therapy thing through out my entire teenage years, none of it gave me what I needed to overcome this problem, what DID work for me and I strongly reccoment any one of you out there get a copy is a book called "Feeling Good" by Dr David Burns. You can get it at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and even many used book stores have it. You want the one with the bright Yellow cover. I reccomend you start with the assesment at the beginning and do the excercises in all the chapters.

I'm not saying that I don't still have work myself to do today, but I no longer feel depressed and I am not on medication. If you are Bi-Polar, or suffer from a physiologically based imbalance that you will have for your whole life this can help you along with your medication and support group therepy. For the rest of you, please go get the book. You can feel good too.

Where is the "Help" our nations people were promised?

Every day I watch the news in the morning, all I see is our economic status getting worse instead of better. Another major corporation issuing mass layoffs, this time it's Microsoft and it will be someone else tomarrow. The unemployment percentage goes up, the number of forclosed homes goes up.

Yet where is all the government help to get us out of this economy crises? I see billions of dollars going to bail out banks and major car companys that are still continuing to layoff their employees. If the government took all that"bailout money" that corporate execs got rich on and they distributed it to all of the recently unemployed and forclosed americans that are homeless we might be in better shape. People can't spend money they haven't got and have no means of getting, but trust and believe if they had it they would spend it, right here in this country.

Add to this that now not only are these people jobless and homeless but many of them have children and they now have no health insurance, but healthcare in this country has not even been addressed. All the people who voted for our new president, especially those of you who are in the current dire straits I just talked about...might want to ask your president Where is the help YOU need right now? a glance anyway

Hello experience project goers!


I'm new here, but heres a bit about me to share with you all.

I'm 36, happilly married to one of the best men on the planet. I do not have kids but I do have an awesome Scottish terrier who is a sweet loving member of my family and a cat who is an spca rescue and best pal to  the dog. I work a seasonal job as a motel manager, I am a second degree Reiki healer and I am a spiritual person ( my beliefs, maybe go against the grain a bit from the rest )

I am on a constant mission of self- improvement, I tend to be highly sensitive and emotional and trust that those get in the way of forward progress. I have a desire to make a positive impact in the lives of people everywhere, how? I'don't know. I'm thinking maybe I'll know it when I see it. I'd like to make a living from whatever it is.

I love dance, music, outdoors, guns, all things spiritual, healing, learning new stuff....I'm pretty diversified. I love my husband most of all.


1-10 of 10 Blogs   

Previous Posts
My husband died Nov 13th 2012, this is my message to everyone, posted December 6th, 2012, 1 comment
Everything counts, no matter how small, posted April 8th, 2011
The phonecall....part II, posted September 16th, 2010
Love you guys, posted March 2nd, 2010
what do I do with my feelings?, posted July 14th, 2009, 1 comment
People that want to be "The boss"....and their ruthless tactics, posted June 21st, 2009, 1 comment
This is what the word "Friend" means in my me it's rare, posted May 25th, 2009
A message to all you depression / anxiety doesn't have to be this way, posted May 21st, 2009
Where is the "Help" our nations people were promised?, posted May 6th, 2009 a glance anyway, posted March 8th, 2009, 1 comment

Here are some friends' blogs...

How to Embed Photos in your Blog Embed Photos How to Embed Videos in your Blog Embed Videos